‘Finding Myself’

So I’m gonna take this moment to formally apologise for taking a minor blogging break with no warning in December (after saying I was gonna post loads)… I’ve been a busy gal… working 60 hour weeks over Christmas, trying to drag out my 23rd birthday celebrations as much as possible, drinking excessively… you know how it goes.

So I thought I’d write a little reflective post. It probably would have fit better at the end of 2018, but here I am at the beginning of 2019 writing it instead. YOLO (do people still say yolo?)

So let’s get all deep and talk about how one finds oneself.

The real answer is that I don’t actually know but I’m gonna ramble and pretend I do know anyway.

You may have read my post about finishing uni, and what to do in the in-between stage of being a kind of student, kind of adult and how to move on with your life… This post is a bit of a continuation of that- for those who feel like they need to find a place for themselves, especially those who find themselves wandering round aimlessly thinking, “who the fuck am I?”

I can relate babes, don’t you worry.

So here’s the thing: when I was at uni, I didn’t really know who I was, or what I wanted to do in life…. I didn’t really know what I liked in life… I just didn’t know anything (and arguably still don’t know a lot now). But I thought I should probably figure out what life was about before I finished uni and had to start, like living that life. I didn’t want to waste my years doing nothing when I could be getting my first job as a runner for BBC news, which would later lead me to becoming the 8am news presenter… Or protest at parliament against single-use plastic, which would lead to me single-handedly saving the world from global warming… Basically I didn’t want to fuck up the dreams and ambitions that I would later discover I had.

So in summer of 2018, I moved home from uni and started to save up money to travel. The latest plan was to save up some dollar dollar, go travelling, find myself, return and discover that my passion and life ambition would be to become a vet and travel round India vaccinating stray dogs… or becoming a professional plant waterer or something (see header pic… things got weird in Vietnam last year).

A few months passed, and for the first time in years, I was pretty stress free (minus the occasional weirdo customer). The ONLY commitment I had was work. I didn’t even have to do my own laundry (thanks mum, and thanks reader for not judging me). I realised I had time to enjoy writing, and didn’t have to force myself to do it.

During this time I met new people, did a good amount of writing, listened to new music I didn’t know I loved, remembered that Brighton is the coolest place on earth, and all in all discovered a bit more about myself. Some might say I found myself. Sounds lame. And it is. But I can honestly say I’ve really enjoyed my time since finishing uni, which I never in a million years expected to say.

And TBH, I still don’t know what my future career goals are but I’ve learnt how to chill with life and stop worrying about my future which is what I needed really: stress-free is a pretty good way to live life. 10/10 would recommend. I have to say, this is a big switch around for me, and so there’s a strong possibility someone has been slipping something in the 30 coffees I’ve been drinking every day.

Either way, the moral of the story is: chill out.

Thanks for reading!! Let me know if you feel like you’ve found yourself because I’m genuinely interested what other people think about this topic.

xoxoxoxoxoxox