10 things I’ve learnt in a 9-5 job

Hello, it’s me. I hope you haven’t forgotten about my existence. I’ve been extremely busy moving house, getting drunk and working my new big girl job. But all is well, and my blog hiatus is over. So please accept this apology for my lack of writing recently.

Now that’s over, I want to talk about the afore-mentioned ‘big girl job’, as it is my first ever grown up job. As EVERYONE will know by now, I worked in bars for the last 5 or so years, working part-time around uni, and then working full-time while I saved up to travel. It was fun, it was hard work, and if you didn’t already know, I’m writing a book about it, so you can learn every single tiny detail about that time in my life.

I bloody loved being behind the bar, being that sassy confident bitch pouring them pints, and taking no shit from weird old men, but after a while in the industry, I was ready to move on to bigger and better things. I also wanted to be able to afford rent in Brighton.

(There were other reasons for leaving bar work, mostly to do with the sheer volume of vomit I’d cleared in my time… and more generally being sick of bar works’ shit).

So I decided it was time to become a 9-5 wanker. And wanker I have truly become. Here is my full list of all the ways I have become that 9-5 wanker and the lessons I have learnt with it…

1. The 3 Ps: Priorities, Pushing Myself and… Pret?

I learnt very quickly that it’s quite hard to work a full-time job, move house, write regular blog posts, write regular articles, have a social life, get 8 hours sleep, wash my hair, and do everything else I would like to do. So of course I cut out washing my hair and writing. Sorry guys, the social butterfly in me loves the pub a bit too much. A month and a half in, however, and the FOMO has chilled out a bit. I might even stay in to write tonight, who knows.

Also it wasn’t long before I mentioned the dreaded Pret loved by 9-5 wankers across this great (?!) nation.

2. Weekends are God’s Greatest Creation

God’s… Or the unions, whatever.

So you’re telling me…. I get 2 days off in a row?! Every week? AND it’s the two days where most events take place?! (future post-covid events that is)… AND I can plan my life in advance without having to wait for a rota 1-2 days before the week starts?!?!?! Lovely stuff this 9-5 lark. And that’s without even mentioning bank holiday weekends, DAMN.

No honestly, I have never appreciated the concept of a weekend before, good Lordy, they are great. And I can go out on Friday night and still have 2 days to recover. There is a downside to having weekends off, and that downside is largely linked to my extremely regular weekend drinking habit I’ve picked up. It is also why this blog post is three weeks late (sorry again lads).

3. Not Being Called into Work Last Minute is Great

It’s really quite nice enjoying my days off without the stress of being called into work… Or having to think about what’s happening at work… Or even thinking about work existing on the weekends. Because it doesn’t really exist on the weekends at all.

And to add to that, there’s no living in fear of being guilt tripped to come in because, “I covered your shift last time… Can’t you come in today and take me off because I’M ILL”. It could be your wedding day and they’ll try and get you do come in ‘for a few hours at least’.

(I swear this whole post isn’t shade to bar work, I just have a lot to get off my chest, and writing an entire book about it wasn’t enough apparently.)

4. Why is Sitting at a Desk in my Bedroom for 40 Hours a Week so F-ing Tiring?!

My god, I am DRAINED when it gets to 5pm on a Friday. GAGGING for a glass of wine. In fact my new habit is to crack open the rosé at 4pm (if my boss is reading this I’m only joking hehe x).

I never truly respected office workers until now. The brain power required to keep ticking all week is seriously impressive. And that’s without even mentioning commuting… As I’m sure you can imagine, my commute is under 5 seconds.

me on the 5 second walk to my desk

5. The Weeks go Fast, but the Weekends go Quicker

It’s Wednesday bloody morning already. And before you know it it will be Wednesday bloody evening, which is basically Thursday. And Thursday is the new Friday, so it is basically the weekend. But the weekend goes so bloody fast that that will be over soon too.

So the real outcome is that it’s Monday every day. Which isn’t that fun at all.

Time truly does go at the speed of light when you work full time… Where do the evenings even go? And that’s without working late even being a factor… You work late one day and it’s the next day already… And the cycle continues… Stuck in the rat race forever…

And leading on from that depressing titbit…

6. Mondays Are Shite

Garfield wasn’t wrong, Mondays are hard work. I haven’t had a Monday-y Monday since school, and even then I’d get garlic bread at break time, so it wasn’t too bad. Now I have 3 pints of instant coffee, a day of being hectic, and Monday Meetings. Which I always mistime with my lunch break.

7. Everything is Significantly Busier on Evenings and Weekends

I hate to mention the P word again so early into my career but… Oh fuck it, PRET IS SO BLOODY BUSY AT LUNCH TIME. As is any coffee shop. And bloody hell the queues to bars on a Saturday night are quite frankly MANIC. It’s almost like every 9-5 worker in Brighton shares a bloody brain. How depressing.

I used to like walking through town. Not anymore. Day trippers everywhere; tourists bustling through the streets every Saturday as I try to relax after a hectic week, and more likely; heavy night of drinking.

8. Working From Home is the Best Thing the Pandemic has Brought us

I have not changed out of my pyjamas for at least 2 days. I have not left the house for 3. I really do struggle to keep my average step count above 1,000. It’s like full lockdown all over again.

It is nice rolling out of bed at 8.55, but also a little dangerous for my health. Plus, the lack of social contact is also not great.

Having said that, I never want to commute to work ever again, and hope I can work from home in some capacity forever.

9. Drinking on a School Night is Dangerous

For the first time in my life, drinking on a Wednesday is a bad idea. And holding your vomit in for a 9am meeting is even worse. I’ve said it once (30 seconds ago) and I’ll say it again, working from home (and the ability to turn off your camera and mic in a call) is a godsend.

10. Going to Bed at 11pm is Nice

I’m a loser, I go to bed at 11 now… I even went to bed at 8.30 the other day, and it was 10/10 bliss… But I will still roll out of bed at 8.55 the next morning either way.

So that’s my list. I’m a “young professional” now, and it has changed me, what can I say.

This is also a good time to mention that I was very lucky to find such a great job that I really do enjoy, in the middle of a pandemic and recession.

Also here’s a little shoutout to my workplace: onHand which is an app that pairs up volunteers with older adults and is so bloody wholesome. So go download it, have a scroll, and go talk to some old people.

Thanks for reading, next blog post will be less than 2 and a half weeks, I SWEAR!


1 Comment

  1. Pingback: One Wild (?) Year

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