REVIEW: A STRIP CLUB

(No I am not fucking joking).

Remember when I said I wanted to try new things in 2019? Well it’s 5.20am in the middle of January and I have just left a strip club. Yes, a strip club… Me… A very awkward person. A person who on top of being awkward, isn’t really into the whole objectifying women thing…

There I was, staring at the dark walls uncomfortably, thinking about the fact that the lad I was seeing had more morals than myself and had gone home, refusing to come watch naked ladies dance. Instead I was left with a group of lads from work including; our DJ and my boss. It was not ideal by any standards. But there I was, all in the name of trying new things and getting out my comfort zone.

I had been enticed by the idea, after being told a friend of mine was there, so I wouldn’t be the only non-stripper female there. Plus it had been an eventful Saturday night shift at work; I hadn’t eaten in around 14 hours and so after 2 post-shift ciders, I was practically drunk. So why not carry on the drinking and move to another bar? Forget the fact the bar in question was filled with seedy men gawping while young(ish) girls danced on poles.

So we left work and entered the strip club. And yeah- it was exactly as you might imagine: girls walking around in their underwear, doing some dancing that I’m not bendy enough to recreate, a fair amount of creepy guys dotted about in the pink booths. It was an experience.

TBH, as soon as I was inside I couldn’t wait to leave… My one female friend who was supposed to be there had abandoned me in favour of her bed, and the guys in the group had turned into putty; mesmerised by the dancing tits on stage. This was not the place for an awkward gal like myself. So in the 20 minutes I was there, I took every opportunity to go out for a cig (or watch other people smoke) and pop to the loo.

You would think that going to the toilet in a bar would be a normal thing to do. However, let’s remember this was a strip club. Also known as a gentlemen’s club. Where the toilets were therefore created for gentlemen. And as a non-gentleman, this was an issue for me. I mentioned it to one of the guys in the group- who asked one of the strippers. This very nice lady told me to follow her, and so I did. It’s safe to say I felt quite intimidated. She was very tall, very pretty and had her bum out, while I had just done a 12 our shift and was wearing 2 day old clothes. I dodged weirdos and strippers, following the path of this girl, up a set of stairs into a ‘dressing room’, where there were several more semi-naked ladies sitting around, just chilling. I awkwardly waved a hi, and went into the dressing room loo where I had a moment to myself to question what the f I was doing there.

It was at this point I returned to my work pals, and decided I should go home. Not before finding a baggie in the sinks though. Classic.

So my night was a weird one if I’m honest; but all in the name of writing, eh? And trying to be somewhat adventurous?

Don’t get me wrong, I felt very awkward during the whole experience, but the girls who were doing the stripping were super nice and so helpful- and if that’s how you wanna make a living- you go for it gal! So as this is supposedly a review, I’ll give it a 7/10. Let’s remember I have nothing to compare it with though. so it means nothing.

I hope you enjoyed my weird little anecdote, please give me a little follow if you find my life somewhat hilarious (or hilariously tragic- I don’t mind). And let me know if you’ve had any weird experiences with work colleagues.

Thanks for reading!

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

p.s. the header pic is a pic I took in the red light district in Amsterdam… I didn’t really know what else to put- a stripping lady?!